A Father's Heart

A Father’s Heart

Have you seen John Q? It’s a movie starring Denzel Washington in which he does the unimaginable to ensure that his son gets a heart transplant, no matter what it takes. A father’s love for his children should go that far, and beyond. Fathers exercise paternal care; they are protectors, providers, role models.

Most children love their mothers more than their fathers, why is this so? This is because mothers develop strong emotional bonds (often from pregnancy stage) with their children. It is sad that most fathers don’t come close to developing significant bonds with their kids. In spite of society’s mould for fathers, (which subjects them to many hours of work to provide for the needs of their families; which in turn means more time away from home) every father must make room for his children in his heart and schedule. It is very important to make a living, however it is more important to get a life. Family time and responsibilities must not be neglected just to make a living. Also it is important to maximize the use of family time when it is available. A father must be a good juggler, shuffling between work, time with his children and other responsibilities.

Feed your young children yourself, play with them, help with assignments, monitor their habits and language, and ensure you teach good morals, selflessness and the way of God. We must however be reminded that the best way to teach a child is by example. Children will often do what we do, not what we tell them to. They follow your example instead of your advice. If need be, you must make adjustments in your lifestyle for the sake of your children. In my secondary (high) school, I recall a visiting day when a father severely beat up his young son for smoking, and the father was an ardent smoker himself! There is a another sad story of a young boy who took a swig from his father’s extremely strong local alcoholic drink and developed complications which eventually led to his untimely death. Many instances of paternal irresponsibility abound.

A father can also be described as a person who originates or establishes something; like a founding father. Every father is indeed a founding father because fatherhood has a ripple effect. A father influences the kind of the father his own son becomes, he unconsciously affects generations after him. The first person any child learns the concept of fatherhood from is his or her own father. This includes the bad examples such as fathers who abandoned their families or were just never there. Father to child relationship is a delicate one, in which it very easy for things to go wrong, not only as a result of what you do, but also as a result of what you refuse to do!

“A boy needs a father to show him how to be in the world. He needs to be given swagger, taught how to read a map so that he can recognize the roads that lead to life and the paths that lead to death, how to know what love requires, and where to find steel in the heart when life makes demands on us that are greater than we think we can endure.”
― Ian Morgan Cron

Fathers have tremendous power and authority which is often abused. Some force their children to pursue professions that they (fathers) want, therefore stifling the child’s individuality and ability. I know of a father who forced his son into science class in high school, whereas the son clearly had his strength in the arts. The son struggled through school and understandably had challenges getting into the university. The father-son relationship between the two is strained till today as a result of the father’s indiscretion. Your attitude to your children when they are young and dependent on you will determine their disposition to you when they become older and independent of you. It is interesting how fathers who were never there emotionally for their children in their formative years expect such children to be all over them when they become older.

“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway... let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Every father should help his children discover and hone their talents/skills while providing encouragement and all that is needed for the children to become well rounded individuals. Joseph in the bible was hated by his brothers because of his dreams; however his father heard the same dreams and simply observed them. In other words, Jacob simply waited for the fulfillment of Joseph’s dreams; he knew they will come to pass.

“A man’s worth is measured by how he parents his children. What he gives them, what he keeps from them, the lessons he teaches and the lessons he allows them to learn on their own.” – Lisa Rogers

Be the greatest father in the world if you want your kids to be the greatest in the world. One of the most remarkable things you can do for them is to love their mother. How your kids turn out depends on you to a great extent.